My December
by Angevar
Summary: [4 of 4] [COMPLETED]. Angst, just... angst. Postseries fic, started as a oneshot. What do you do when lonliness eats at your heart? You try and ignore it. But what do you do when it eats at the hearts of others...? Man, I suck at summaries
1. Chapter One

**Me: Yet another one-shot, and (surprise-surprise!) it's a song-fic!! ^__^**

**Brigs: *sarcastically* Yippee, hurray for Angie, JUST GET ON WITH IT!!!**

**Me: Jeez, what's eating you?**

**CP: T_T You've practically abandoned your other stories, that's what.**

**Me: ^^; Oh, sorry 'bout that! I'm going home for a couple days this weekend, maybe I'll get some inspiration then… in the mean-time… Tala, do the disclaimer!**

**Tala: What do I get out of it?**

**Me: The closet keys and a hypnosis handbook.**

**Tala: *evil grin* Angevar doesn't own Beyblade. The song that this fic was inspired by (and is meant to be read with) is 'My December' (the original version, not the techno mix, it's damn hard to find though) and it's by Linkin Park.**

**Me: *tosses Tala a set of keys and a book entitled 'Do it Yourself Hypnosis'***

**Tala: Thanks! ^^**

**Me: Okay, I'm using the Japanese names in this one, and I'm not sure if I spelled Kenny's correctly. Does anyone have a confirmed correct spelling? Bleh, anyways, these are the Japanese names, for anyone who doesn't happen to know them.**

**Kai = Kai (same)**

**Takao = Tyson**

**Rei = Ray**

**Max = Max (same)**

**Kyojyu = Kenny (aka: Chief)**

**Me: Uh, anything else?**

**Brigs: Yeah. *to readers* Anything in **_~Blah, blah, blah~_** is lyrics for the song, the rest is standard speech.**

**Me: I messed around with the order of the verses a little, nut aside from that it's all the same.**

**CP: Right, On With The Fic!!**

~*~*~

My December

By Angevar

(Tuesday, March 9, 2004)

Snow fell gently to the ground, tiny crystalline flakes crunching under heavy boots or clustering on fence rails, dazzling and sparkly white.

_~This is my december_

_This is my time of the year_

_This is my december_

_This all so clear~_

Kai Hiwatari watched the snow fall as he walked, tiny flakes floating gently through the still, thick air to rest in his soft, slate-grey bangs. The delicate ice gems landed softly on the thick, leather jacket he wore over his broad shoulders, the fleece lining warm around his neck. There was no wind, and he walked slowly, but his pale, creamy white scarf floated behind him like a pair of wings.

He sighed softly, his warm breath condensing and floating away in a small cloud of icy mist. He crimson eyes stayed locked on the pavement, seeing but not seeing as the cold, dry air nipped his milky skin.

He absent-mindedly tugged his scarf tighter around his neck, lost in thought and admiration of the season. December was one of his favorite times of the year, not for the usual reasons of Christmas and New Years, but because it was quiet. Kai liked the soft, snowy silence that settled on the world in the evenings. People in general thought it was too cold to be out and so they stayed indoors, Kai liked it that way. They would stay in and he would go out, to walk in quiet solitude, not being bothered by people in general. For some reason, being around them made him feel… strange. Like he was a passer-by watching the rest of the world…

People made him feel… alone.

That was the only way to really describe it, when he was around other people, he was reminded that unlike them, he was about as alone as you can get in this world without being a hermit, and even they don't get lonely for some reason.

Yes, being around people made him feel alone.

_~This is my december_

_This is my snow covered hole_

_This is my december_

_This is me alone~_

He mentally slapped himself, he was being stupid. Why should he feel alone? He was Kai Hiwatari; a rich, nineteen year old young man, owner of one of the biggest bio-technology institutes in the world, sought after by women ad still one of the top five beybladers in the world. Why should he feel alone?

He shrugged the thought off irritably. He didn't _need_ people or friends around him, and he didn't care. He used to have people around him a long time ago, when he was part of a team. On a team, you had to have other people.

But they had gone their separate ways a long time ago. Max and Kyojyu had gone to the states, Max to go back to the All-Stars and the Chief to study. They still came back once in a while, but the hard, cold side of Kai said that he didn't care if they never came back.

Rei had left too, going back to China to coach new beybladers. Kai scowled; let them learn on their own. He had… more or less. You couldn't exactly call the abbey a great learning environment.

The only one on the team who was still around was Takao. He still lived with his grandfather in the dojo, but Kai never visited, never even made voluntary contact nowadays. He had used to, after they sort of finished beyblading as a team, but before they went their separate ways he used to go over there just because…

But he didn't now.

He had grown to be a better person around them, but now he had reverted back to the old Kai, the one from before he even met them.

But there was still that small part of him that missed that period of time as team captain for the BladeBreakers. Not because he was in charge, or because he got to go to all the tournaments, but because that small part of him missed his team-mates.

But the Kai he was now refused to listen to that small part of him. It told him that he didn't need them, didn't have time for them, that friends were a weakness that could be exploited…

He raised beautiful claret eyes and watched the flakes of snow swirl around in the tiny gusts, whipping themselves into tiny spirals and tornadoes and the falling back down again… this was his time of year, when it was cold and forbidding outside, but warm and pleasant inside.

Kai did not let himself linger on those thoughts, and tried to turn them back to matters of business, the running of his company. But his mind constantly came back to his old team. But that had been the idea of going for a walk, right? To think it out and get it out of his system. Right?

Kai sighed softly again, this time his breath did not form a hazy mist like it usually did.

He missed them, missed seeing them. He missed they way they would smile, and laugh, and talk about anything at all around him, as if he were just another normal person, not a statue of living ice…

Of course, he couldn't really do much about Rei, Max and Kyojyu. But he could have gone to see Takao if he really wanted to, but he didn't.

It wasn't that he was avoiding Takao on purpose… well, maybe a little. The last time he had spoken to the midnight-haired teen had been ages ago, and it had not ended on the best of notes. Once in a while though, Kai would see him in a crowd, but then the cold, icy part of Kai that Voltaire had created would step in and force him to look the other way. To pretend that he didn't need anyone, least of all Takao…

_~This is my december_

_These are my snow-covered trees_

_This is me pretending_

_This is all I need~_

Snow fell softly into the branches of the trees that lined the sidewalk. Kai looked up at the and smiled to himself, he had always thought that the trees were the prettiest part of winter, the way the snow would pile into small drifts on the boughs of the evergreens. How the branches of the other trees stood out, stark and beautiful against the soft, cloudy grey sky, as if they were reaching up for a piece of heaven long denied.

Kai wondered what Takao liked about December…

Now that he thought about it, Takao was probably home, either sleeping, eating or having relatives over for Christmas. It was December 20th, just a few days till Christmas, and little more than a week till new-years. But Kai didn't celebrate either of them; he was too busy running Bio-Volt and barely had time to beyblade anymore. He gave his employees a break, a whole week leading up to Christmas and another after and then some. But he didn't have the time to do so for himself, he had a job, and he had to keep the company running smoothly. He couldn't afford to take two days off to celebrate something he didn't have.

After all, Christmas was about family, wasn't it…?

And Kai had never had a family.

The closest thing he had had was his team. But he hadn't seen them in a long time. He wasn't even sure if he would want to see them again if he could. The last time had been about four or five months ago, Takao had called everyone in to celebrate his 17th birthday. Kai hadn't gotten him a present… hell; he had ended up having a huge argument with Takao and had stormed out in a rage.

Looking back, Kai regretted snapping at the younger teen like that…

_And I…_

_Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed._

_And I…_

_Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that._

_And I…_

_Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed._

_And I…_

_Take back all the things I said to you._

Kai mentally slapped himself. It was in the past; he couldn't afford to dwell on it and didn't want to either. He chanted to himself in his mind, lost to the world as he let his feet take him where they would.

Snow and ice crunched noisily under his feet, he didn't hear the sounds. His foot struck something, a rock in the snow, snapping him out of his reverie. He looked around at where he was, a regretful frown on his face.

The park, the one near Takao's house. He didn't come here often, it was far away from where he lived and now it held memories he was not fond of. Well, he might as well be here as elsewhere.

His feet carried him to the bridge that went over the fish pond, that's where he had last seen Takao. Kai's expression saddened as he remembered.

_Flashback:_

_Takao had been bugging Kai to lighten up during the entire party, calling him a sourpuss and telling him that in order to be considered human you had to smile once in a while, nagging him to let loose a little._

_"You know Kai," he said, talking to the cold, Russian blader who sat staring out the window "I'm not mad at you or anything; I hadn't really expected you to do anything as out of character as get me a present, but you could at least try to look happy."_

_Kai's blood-red eyes shot to the teen addressing him, "I don't have time Takao. I'm busy now, I have things I need to do and I don't have to even be here if I don't want to." He snapped, glaring harshly at the younger teen._

_Takao looked taken aback a little, then his expression changed to one of hurt and anger "I don't know why I bother sometimes Kai." His stormy eyes were hard and determined, "I just try and make you a little more human, and what do you do? You thrown it back in my face!"_

_"Oh really?" Kai responded "Well guess what, I don't know why you try either!" Kai stood up, looking down onto the holder of Dragoon and giving him one of those arctic glares that could scare the living daylights out of most people "I really don't know why you do what you do Takao, and for the most part id' just as soon you quit trying to make me be more like you! I can't be and I don't want to be, thank-you-very-much. Goodbye!"_

_Kai had stormed angrily out of the house and almost slammed the door off its hinges in doing so. He had gone to the park, he had gone there a lot back then, he found it peaceful, away from the rest of the world._

_He had gotten to the bridge over the fish pond when Takao caught up, his face had been flustered and he was obviously out of breath, but the midnight-haired youth had apologized to Kai anyways. And Kai…_

_Kai had spat his apology right back into his face, just like Takao said he did and practically threw the teen off the bridge. He had yelled that he didn't have time for them anymore, that he didn't need or want them around and had stormed off again into the nigh, leaving Takao with a bloody lip, leaning against the carved wooden railing of the bridge, staring after the slate-haired teen who had once been his captain._

_End Flashback_

Now though, as Kai gazed down into the cold, crystal clear water below the bridge, watching the snowflakes float for a moment on the surface before melting into the dark water, he wished that he had just stopped and listened to Takao that night, maybe then he'd have that small shred of comfort and there wouldn't be a lump of guilt nesting in his chest. Maybe if he had listened he wouldn't be wishing he was someone else.

_~And I'd…_

_Give it all away_

_Just to have somewhere to go to_

_Give it all away_

_To have someone to come home to~_

Kai Hiwatari sighed, shoulders slumping almost dejectedly. Why did he have to be who he was? Why couldn't he seem to open up to anyone? Why did he always push them away and then yell that it was their fault?

He walked away from the bridge, away from the memories it held. Even though it had been almost five months, he still hated himself for it. Cursing his sheer stupidity, he headed home.

The snow drifted slowly down from the sky, swirling in pretty eddies and covering the footprints on the bridge in a soft, glittery white blanket.

~*~*~

**Kai: o0 Did you just make me beat the shit out of Tyson and then walk off?!?!**

**Me: ^^; …yes.**

**Kai: *in a mad rage* I'M GONNA KILL YOU ANGEVAR!!!!! *chasing her with a hack-saw***

**Me: *running frantically away from Kai* Blame it on the song!! Not on me!!! It just fit to put it that way!!! And besides, it was a flashback!!!**

**Kai: YOU STILL MADE ME HURT TY-KOI!!!!**

**Me: Lots of people make you do that!! Take a look at Rumi-Chan!! Besides, you didn't really mean it, you just shoved him and he fell down!! *has climbed up on top of the closet and is trying to keep Kai away with a wooden pole***

**CP: *watching them* Hmm… That just about does it I think… Oh, wait I remembered something. This is more of a semi-angsty little thing about Kai's feelings, there isn't really any romance at all, but we may continue it and if we do… well you know the drill.**

**Brigs: What she's saying is that Angie will put TyKa everywhere she can fit it and then she'll leave it alone for ages and then come back to it out of the blue, but I'd like to at least get within sight of the endings of some of the other stories before I let her do anything more with this one.**

**Tyson: Until then, please leave a nice review on your way out. ^^ Reviewers will receive complimentary chocolate mints and a case of their favorite flavor of soda!**

**Brigs: *grabs a case of Mugs root beer and smiles* Review!! ^__^**


	2. Chapter Two

**Me: I have decided to continue this, even though I really, really, _really_ need to work on LIAVST. But I had serious inspiration for this, and just the right background music to write to (background music is very important for me, if I can find a track that suits the fic, it's as good as posted)**

**Brigs: And why did you decide to post today instead of yesterday?**

**Me: ^^ Because yesterday was my birthday silly!!!!**

**Kai: *sarcastically* Yippee…**

**Me: ^^ Wuhoo!!! I'm finally sixteen!!!! *dances around and throws confetti***

**CP: Why don't I have a birthday?**

**Me: Because you will be a chibi for always and eternity CP.**

**CP: *pouts* So I don't ever get to learn to drive?**

**Me: You can take my lessons, I don't like it much anyways, I'd rather have a bike than a car any day… Anywhoo, back to the topic at hand!! I have decided that this fic will contain a total of four or five chapters tops. The song My December by Linkin Park will only be used for the first and last chapters, thus leaving it as a song fic, but not entirely so… Disclaimer anyone?**

**Rei****: Angevar doesn't own anything that is remotely recognizable from another source (Timmy has 'borrowed' her OC team/characters on various occasions, but they aren't in this story)**

**Me: Okay… Oh, before I forget!! Thanx to all the people who reviewed for me!! Scheree, Kiina, LuxLucisAnima, SilveryKitsune and Rumi-Chan (so sorry 'bout the virus) you've all been great support and getting reviews makes me oh-so-happy!!! ^^**

**Brigs: Riiiight… Warnings?**

**Tala****: Shounen-ai later on… probably gonna be quite dark. Angie is considering soaking one of the later chappies in lemony goodness, but we'll just have to wait and see. In the mean time, go read the *censored* story!!!**

~*~*~

My December, Chapter Two

By Angevar

(Monday, April 05, 2004)

Starlit blue eyes watched from a distance as Kai walked away from the bridge, watched as the soft, feathery ice-crystals floated down to cover the footprints left on the bridge. Tears threatened to trickle down a tanned face, but the young man managed to keep his emotion in check. Why did Kai have to be like that?!

Takao sighed regretfully and headed home, like he did every night, feeling lost, alone and depressed. He absentmindedly kicked a small stone along the pavement for a ways, mind not concentrating on the world around him, letting his feet take him slowly home where his friends were waiting.

He walked up and let himself in the front door, taking off his coat and hanging it on the wall with the others before heading into the living room. (A/N: Max, Rei and the Chief had all come to visit for Christmas and were staying with Takao, his grandfather was currently tied up with a backlog of family parties and get-togethers, he hadn't dragged Takao along for reasons that will be explained later. Hope that clears up a few questions before you ask them)

As the somber looking teen entered, a blond head looked up from where he was on the couch, cuddled up to his boyfriend (A/N: Max and Rei are together, let's leave it at that since I'm too lazy to elaborate). A half-hearted smile adorned Max's features as he greeted his friend "Hey Takao, how's the weather out there?"

"Okay, I guess…" Takao glanced absent mindedly over to Max and Rei, smiling regretfully to himself before curling up in a cushioned armchair, gazing out the window into the softly falling snow.

Max glanced worriedly up at Rei, wondering if there was anything they could do to pull Takao out of his self imposed isolation. Rei looked sorrowfully down at Max, kissing him lightly on the top of his head and pulling him closer. There was nothing they hadn't tried since they had begun to notice Takao's change of character.

After the incident with Kai five months ago, at least one former member of the team had been around to keep an eye on Takao, to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. He hadn't even come back from the encounter on his own; Max had gotten worried about him and had gone out to see what was up. He had found Takao slumped against the railing of the bridge half an hour after he had left, staring at Kai's footprints as they were covered up by the snow. Max had brought Takao back to the dojo by himself, not wanting to leave him alone in his state.

Once home, Takao had snapped out of it almost like a trance, saying he was fine and that the guys didn't have to worry about him at all. It had in truth seemed that Takao had been fine, for a while. But then he started going out for long walks as the weather grew colder, becoming more distant and quiet as the days passed. Rei and the Chief had had to go back to their respective points of origin, but had booked plane tickets back for Christmas in advance, leaving Max to look out for Takao.

It seemed that more than anything these days, Takao was almost lonely… why he should be Max couldn't even begin to guess, but he knew it had something to do with Kai. But strangely enough, even though he had almost expected Takao to seek Kai out and confront him about the incident, Takao just watched placidly as life went by. They had even seen Kai out in the street a week or so ago, and Takao had just turned the other way.

_Flashback:_

_"So Takao, Rei and Kyojyu are arriving in a couple days… what are you gonna get them?" Max asked cheerfully, cerulean eyes sparkling at the chance to go Christmas shopping._

_"I dunno Max…" Takao replied quietly, he was being more talkative than usual, but still much quieter than his old self. He spotted an indigo sign and pulled Max's sleeve "Hey, let's go check out that new shop that opened up a couple weeks ago, I still haven't gone in there yet."_

_"Great!! I hear they have a whole bunch of cool stuff in there." The two teenagers headed for the shop in question. When they got in they started going through shelves and shelves of oddities. Stained glass wind chimes, pewter and silver statues of dragons, surreal art and anime posters and fantasy novels (A/N: I only lived in the states for a year actually, but where I lived, they had tons of this sort of shops ^^ I was in seventh heaven!). Takao glanced at a glass shelf with several elvish figurines and picked one up gingerly. A slight smile made its way onto his face, the first honest one in almost a month._

_"Watcha got there Takao?" Max asked, peeking over his shoulder._

_"I think he looks like Kai…" Takao said, holding the pewter statuette up to the light. "Doesn't he Max?"_

_Max studied the figurine, it did look like Kai. Narrow, ruby eyes; spiky bangs; it even had the same attitude, kinda glaring up at you over its shoulder, but looking like someone you could depend on if you really needed to. All that was missing were the triangular tattoos on the cheek. "You're right Takao; he does look kinda like Kai…"_

_"Hmm…" Takao smiled sadly to himself, replacing the figurine gently on the shelf. "Nah, he doesn't really, he used to be like that… he isn't anymore."_

_"…So, you gonna get that one Takao?" Max asked after a pause, looking at his friends face._

_"No… I don't think so…" Takao sighed softly and headed for the entrance of the shop. "Did you find anything you wanted Maxie?"_

_"Gimme a minute to decide, I'll be out in a sec."_

_Satisfied, Takao left the shop and stood outside on the sidewalk, looking up at the cloudy, overcast afternoon. It looked like more snow tonight, Takao smiled at the thought, he liked fresh snow._

_As he brought his gaze back down to earth, he saw, in the Starbucks across the street, two-toned blue-grey hair and a creamy scarf._

_Max came out of the shop with a medium sized bag that had a couple posters in it and saw Takao looking across the street with unusual attention. He followed his friends gaze…_

_"Kai…" Takao breathed softly. There was no mistaking it._

_"You wanna go over there and talk to him?" Max asked, looking at Takao to see what his reaction would be._

_"… no, he doesn't need us." Takao's lower lip hardened as he gazed fixedly at the cafe window for a moment before turning to go the opposite direction. "And we don't need him either!"_

_Max was a little surprised at the bitterness contained in Takao's voice, in all the time he had know the midnight haired Japanese boy Takao had always been one to forgive and forget. Why was it different this time…?_

_Because it was Kai…_

_End Flashback_

At the time, Max had been a little worried about his friend, it was very unlike Takao to ever be bitter about anything. But when he had caught up to him and seen his expression, it was evident that Takao had been holding back a lot of emotion. Out of respect fro his friend, Max hadn't brought the subject up again, but he could see that Kai was still eating away at Takao, whether he knew it or not.

Max got up from leaning against Rei and went over to Takao as he sat by the window watching the snowflakes fall. "Hey buddy, you okay?"

"He was there… again." Takao replied, not looking at Max and staring out into the inky blackness. "He looked… different."

"What do you mean Ta-kun?"

"He looked…" Takao hung his head and sighed. "I don't know… I don't think I really want to talk about it Maxie…"

"That's okay…" Max patted Takao's shoulder and checked his watch. "Hey, Rei's gonna make dinner tonight, that okay with you buddy?"

"Sure…" Takao replied, Rei usually did the cooking anyways.

Leaving Takao with his thoughts, Max went to the kitchen with Rei. He wished there was some way to get the old Takao back, the one who would look at his problems and laugh them off like so much dust.

"He's still not getting any better?" Rei asked while he was cutting vegetables.

"No." Max shook his head sadly "I kinda think he might be getting a little worse."

"What makes you say that?"

"He said he saw Kai again… when he went out for his walk." Max pushed the pile of sliced carrots to the side and looked at Rei. "Rei, I'm really, really worried about him. He doesn't eat enough and he hardly ever talks compared to how much he used to."

"I know…" Rei said, resting his hands on the counter "But I don't think that there's anything we can do to help him…"

"… maybe if… nah!" Max brushed the thought off and went back to cutting veggies. "Stupid thought."

"What was it?" Rei asked "I'm willing to try anything."

"Well… if Kai is what started the problem, maybe Kai can fix it."

"But you said it yourself yesterday, Takao doesn't want to see him!"

"Doesn't want to see who?" Kyojyu asked, coming into the kitchen and leaning on the table in the center of the room.

"Kai…" Max replied "I was wondering if maybe Kai can fix this whole mess."

"Max… you do remember what Kai was like last time we actually had a conversation with him don't you?" Kyojyu gave Max a blank look.

"Yeah, I do, but maybe if we just get them to at least look at each other or speak to each other the whole thing will clear up." Max replied.

"How do you figure that?" Rei asked, pouring the vegetables into a pot of soup.

"Last week when we were shopping for stuff to get you guys, we found this little statue and Takao said it looked a little like Kai." Max replied, Rei looked at him.

"So?"

"Just trust me on this Rei!" Max said, "If we can get Kai to even speak one non-insulting word or phrase to Takao, I think he'll start getting better, just as long as Kai doesn't hurt him again."

"But you are forgetting one little thing Max." Kyojyu said matter-of-factly.

"What?"

"I don't think Kai cares anymore" Kyojyu replied "Chances are he'll just make it worse."

Rei looked thoughtful for a moment "Let's talk about something else, k? Now c'mon, help me get dinner ready."

~*~*~

When Rei called him in for dinner, Takao stood up silently and went to the table. He didn't eat much at all, half of what any normal person would (Rei was a damn good cook) and certainly one heck of a lot less than the normal Takao would eat.

Max tried to get him to eat a little more, but Takao quietly turned everything down. He left after only a short while, going upstairs to his room as he did every night.

"Takao, don't you even want a little desert?" Rei asked after the storm eyed teen.

"No, but thanks Rei." Takao replied, turning and continuing on his way to his bedroom.

As the door at the top of the staircase shut, Rei went into the hallway and pulled on his thick winter jacket.

"Where are you going Rei?" Max asked worryingly.

"I can't stand seeing him like this," Rei replied, snapping the last buttons into place before heading out the door. "So I'm going to find a way to fix it!"

He left before they could question him.

~*~*~

Rei walked through the densely falling snow, through the residential area where Takao lived, through a small shopping area and into another part of town entirely. He turned down several corners, almost fearing he had forgotten the way entirely and sighed almost in relief when he came to stand in front of a very large, impressively built brick mansion.

Rei let himself in over the gate, walked up to the front door and rang the bell a couple of times, glaring up at the security camera to be sure the occupant knew it was him. After about thirty or forty seconds, the door was opened for him and he entered the house, shucking off his jacket and hanging it up on the coat rack. An icy voice from behind him made him turn to face the speaker. Cold claret eyes faced him and Rei mentally prepared himself for what was to follow.

"What the hell are you doing here Kon?"

~*~*~

**Me: *cackles evilly* BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! CLIFF-HANGER!!!! *gets various random fruits/vegetables/projectiles launched at her***

**Brigs: *looking over cliffie critically* It wasn't _that_ big!! I mean, you obviously told them who it was, and you can guess why Rei is there an- Mpfht!!!**

**Tala****: *holding hand over Brigs' mouth* Shut it! Don't reveal the plot!**

**Me: Thank you Ta-kun! ^^ *dodges toy car***

**Tala****: Don't mention it.**

**CP: *watching Angie dodge missiles sent by readers* Angie says she will only continue to post this if she gets at least five more reviews, bringing the total to ten… if she doesn't, then she'll just write it for her own personal pleasure and not post it.**

**Me: *dodges English text book* Please review! *dodges five separate rolls of TP* I'm a review whore and they make me ridiculously happy… especially if they're more than one line…**

**Tala****: In the meantime, reviewers will receive copies of their favorite anime movie. We have only a few copies of Princess Mononoke though *watches as Angie snatches one for herself* Okay… that makes one less…**

**Me: ^^ Review!! I really, really think I deserve a few! *forgets to dodge giant pumpkin and is smacked into a wall*@~@ …ouch.**


	3. Chapter Three

**Me: Hey look!! I'm getting off my lazy, creatively chaleneged ass and updating this thing…**

**Brigs: After jut how long again?******

**Me: Uh…**** I think I started a week after my birthday.**

**Tala: It took you a whole month…**

**Me: Did not!!! It only took three weeks.**

**All: -__-;;;**

**Me: Don't look at me like that!!! Here, let's just get this posted and done with, K?**

**Tala: Fine, *sighs* Angevar would like to thank russel, Arashi Doragon, Hades of Hades, Silvery Kitsune, Rumi-Chan and Hioki.**

**Me: BTW, Timmy's B-day was in January Rumi, and she's three months older than me, but I'm still two yeas ahead of her in school… @~@ How weird is that? And to all the rest of you, thanx for the reviews, and no, the story lives, it just moves along a little slowly, that's all… ^^ (PS: *hands Hades a hankie* there, now you have something to blow your nose on while waiting for my next update… ^^)**

**Brigs: And just so you know, CP is still in counseling… thus the evident lack of fluff in this chapter.**

**Me: Standard warnings and disclaimers apply… (aka: SEE THE FIRST CHAPTER DUMBASS!!!)**

~*~*~

My December, Chapter Three

By Angevar

(Sunday, May 02, 2004)

_Last time:_

Rei let himself in over the gate, walked up to the front door and rang the bell a couple of times, glaring up at the security camera to be sure the occupant knew it was him. After about thirty or forty seconds, the door was opened for him and he entered the house, shucking off his jacket and hanging it up on the coat rack. An icy voice from behind him made him turn to face the speaker. Cold claret eyes faced him and Rei mentally prepared himself for what was to follow.

"What the hell are you doing here Kon?"

_Now:_

Rei glared harshly at the speaker, golden amber eyes filled with unusual cold determination. "I came to straighten out _your_ mess Hiwatari, that's what." Kai raised an inquiring eyebrow and started to say something, but Rei cut him off abruptly. "I am not doing this for you, or myself, but I'm doing it because I can't stand seeing what you did to Takao…"

Kai considered his words for a minute and turned to walk out of the hallway, gesturing for Rei to follow him. Rei did so, and the young Hiwatari heir led him to a modestly furnished (well, for the head of an international bio-technology company…) living room. Kai went to stand by one of the large floor-to-ceiling windows that were spaced along one wall and Rei sat down on a sofa to wait.

After about fifteen minutes of silence, Rei started getting a little impatient and began fidgeting. Kai noticed and turned slowly to face the black-haired Chinese man. Rei glared forcefully at him.

"So, I take it I'm not missed?" Kai asked, picking up a small crystal ball and rolling it around in his palm. It was a nervous habit he had picked up since the incident and it seemed to help him remain focused.

"For the most part, no… you aren't missed at all Hiwatari." Rei replied.

"For the most part?" Kai asked, gazing absentmindedly out the window to the steadily falling snow. "So, who does miss me?"

"Takao." Rei stated quietly. "He doesn't show it, doesn't speak about it but he misses you a lot, even after what you did." Kai was almost taken aback by the venom in Rei's voice. "Maybe you haven't seen him around a lot recently Kai, but he's barely hanging on anymore."

"Oh, onto first-name terms now Rei?" Kai asked mockingly, keeping his composure well despite his inner feelings.

"Shut the fuck up and let me finish talking Kai!" Rei rose abruptly to his feet and faced Kai eye-to-eye. "Do you even remember what Takao used to be like? Yeah, you do, he was always smiling, always talking, always the annoying, funny, irrepressible Takao." Rei's gaze hardened. "Do you know what he's like now?"

Kai didn't answer, waiting for Rei to continue.

"He doesn't talk to people anymore Kai! He goes out for long walks at night and comes back looking like a zombie! He doesn't go out to be with people, doesn't tell jokes and doesn't even eat!" Rei's frame shook with increasing rage with each passing sentence. "Max and I have to force him to go to bed at night; all he does is stare out the window, watching the snow fall! I don't think he even pays attention to the world around him anymore Kai!!"

Kai merely kept looking at Rei, looking completely undisturbed by the news.

"Kai, it goes against my better judgment to call you human right now, but if you feel anything after this, I hope you figure out how to straighten this whole mess out soon, because I don't want to see my friend waste away over a cold, worthless bastard like you." Rei dragged the words out, pronouncing them sharply and giving Kai a glare that would have done the recipient proud before turning to leave the Hiwatari manor. "And you'd better sort this out quickly, because I don't know how long Takao is going to last…"

Kai waited until he was sure that Rei had left and then sat down heavily on the couch, trying to sort out the turbulent thoughts racing through his mind.

He couldn't have affected Takao that badly… could he? No, Takao was strong, Takao was the sort of person who took a hit and kept on going…

But what happens when he finally stops and feels the pain?

Kai got up and casually replaced the crystal ball in a bowl on the coffee table as he left the room. He didn't notice, but as he left, the crystal ball slipped out of the bowl and rolled off the table. It didn't shatter when it hit the floor, but a strange mosaic of cracks appeared, and if someone were to accidentally touch it, it could very well break.

~*~*~

Kai made his way upstairs, through the ornate double doors into the master bedroom. He went into the bathroom and placed his hands on the cold black marble of the counter.

Why oh why was it so hard to sort things out in his head?

He gripped the edge of the counter, knuckles paling slightly, and looked at his reflection. He was Kai Hiwatari, rich, successful nineteen-year-old owner of a large company. Tall, alluring, attractive to both men and women and with a calm, collected expression. He let his head drop down again to hang off his shoulders.

Why did it feel so wrong then?

He sighed and got into the shower, letting the warm water flow off of him in a steady stream. He closed his eyes and stood there for a long time, thinking about what Rei had said to him downstairs. Had he really caused that much grief?

Kai found it hard to believe, after living so many months as the cold, practiced machine he had trained himself to be. He almost laughed at the idea, they didn't need him, and he didn't need them… plain and simple. Friends were a weakness that could be easily exploited by enemies, so the solution was simple, have no friends.

Kai sighed softly, blowing droplets of water against the side of the shower. Maybe if he kept on telling himself that he'd believe it someday…

He turned the water off and got out, toweling himself off and running a hand through his thick slate-grey bangs. Why did he keep trying to convince himself of that? Deep down he had known it was a lie all along, but somehow he knew it now. Knew it in every sick, twisted detail for the lie it truly was. He pulled on a loose t-shirt and a pair of shorts, running a hand wearily through his hair again. When would he be able to stop lying to himself?

He sat down on the edge of the king-sized bed, absent-mindedly smoothing the wrinkles in the deep maroon bed covers. Once again, he stared out the window, watching the silent, tiny ice-crystals float down from the heavens. As he watched them drift down he let his hand stray over to the side of the bed and flipped the light switch, turning off the golden glow emanating from the lights around the room. He rolled over onto his side and slid under the covers, wishing that they weren't so cold and empty as he turned over, trying to get more comfortable.

For some reason, he had been having trouble sleeping recently, as if he was missing some part of his routine that he couldn't go to sleep without completing… he knew it was just foolishness, but there was still a part of him that kept trying to tell him something.

As he closed his eyes, searching vainly for the blank peacefulness of sleep, his mind wandered over the possibilities concerning Takao. Had he really fucked things up like Rei said he had? Was Takao really doing that badly? Had he really had that bad of an effect upon him when he had thrown him roughly out of his life like that?

When sleep finally came, it was fitful, and uneasy, dotted with wisps of thought that might have been dreams, but were too vague to be even those. When Kai finally did fall into something resembling a state of peace, it was less than an hour till dawn and the sky was tinted pale indigo.

~*~*~

When Rei arrived back at the Kinomiya dojo, he found that Kyojyu and Max had cleared up the dishes already and were sitting and talking quietly in the living room. He hung is coat up on one of the pegs in the hallway and went to join them.

"So, anything happen while I was out? he asked, sitting down next to Max on the couch.

"Where did you go first of all?" Kyojyu asked, leaning on the armrest of his chair and looking intently at Rei.

"To go talk to Kai." Rei replied.

"Are you sure that was a good idea?" Max asked. "I don't think bringing him back into this is a good idea Rei."

"I know Max-kun, but I don't think anything else has any chance of working." Rei said, sighing regretfully as he kissed the top of Max's head. "Maybe if we had tried sooner we could have done something, but right now I think Kai is our only real option. You said it yourself earlier, if we can get Kai to even talk to him without hurting him he'll probably start to get better."

"Yeah, but like Kyojyu said." Max replied "It's not like Kai cares anymore…"

"I think he does Maxie," Rei said, gazing out the window to watch the snowflakes fall through the inky blackness. "More than he knows or wants to, but he does care…"

"How do you know?" Kyojyu asked, tilting his head curiously.

"Because he has to care an awful lot to let that damn mask of his slip." Rei said bitterly. "It wasn't much, but I know Kai still cares, no matter how much he's lying to himself…" he sighed again and glanced towards the staircase "Has Takao done anything while I was out?"

"No," Kyojyu shook his head slowly, gazing sadly up at where his friend had cut himself off from the world. "He just sits up there the whole time… he doesn't even come down during the day like he used to…"

Max snuggled closer to Rei, holding onto him for comfort and security "I hope you're right about Kai, Rei… I really hope you're right." Rei stroked Max's back soothingly and kissed him lightly again.

"I'd better be…"

~*~*~

Takao lay on his bed, above the covers, staring at the ceiling. He didn't try falling asleep, he couldn't. All he could do was lie back and stare at the ceiling, letting his consciousness drift between dream and reality without really falling asleep.

He hadn't slept properly in a while, he didn't know since when, just that he no longer seemed to need sleep, so he just let his mind drift, not caring where his thoughts happened to wander.

He couldn't keep on like this. It was taking its slow toll on the young man, even if only the preliminary signs showed on the surface.  He couldn't sleep, even if he wanted to, so he had given up trying. He had no appetite to eat, so he had given up on that as well. He had withdrawn himself from the normal human world, had resigned himself to the lazily circling spiral he was locked in.

It wasn't the facts that he wasn't eating, or sleeping, or being with people that confirmed his depression, it was the fact that he had given up on getting them back… Takao had given up. 

He had seen himself start to slip downhill and hadn't tried to catch himself, had just let himself fall.

'Why didn't you catch yourself?!?' His reason yelled at him from the corner of his mind. 'Why didn't you see it?!? Why?!? Why?!?'

"Because I had hoped someone else would…" Takao whispered in response.

Takao's eyes shone slightly in the faint light from the moon that sat outside the window, they shone with un-shed tears. Yes, he had hoped desperately that someone else would have come to catch him; to keep him from falling too far… had hoped that someone would see and try to stop it.

If they had…

A single crystalline tear leaked out the corner of Takao's eye, slipping down his cheek to dampen the pillow beneath his head. He bit his lip silently, sadness and misery welling up inside him as he turned to lie on his side, letting the rest of the tears flow.

"Why didn't they…?" Takao sobbed almost silently into the pillow, letting all the pent-up emotion wash over and possess him. "…why…?"

That night Takao slept for the first time in three weeks and his pillow was damp with tears.

~*~*~

The alarm clock in Kai's bedroom went off at six-thirty as usual. He opened one eye blearily and swatted vaguely at the offending item, managing only to knock it onto the floor and boost the alarm up to the next tone.

He sighed, rolling over and grabbing the clock to turn the alarm off before getting up. Before he had finally fallen asleep last night, he had done some deep thinking, unusual for him. He had thought about what Rei had said last night when he had come over to talk.

'Why should you care?' the voice in his head sneered. 'You don't need them, and they don't need you either.'

'Then why did Rei talk like he wanted me to fix it then?' he asked it. The voice seethed within him and he knew it didn't have an answer.

He splashed cold water on his face and looked into the mirror. Cold, blood red eyes stared back at him from a pale face, sharp blue triangular tattoos etched across the cheeks. The face was blank, staring out at him from the mirror was a face he barely recognized, not the same as from before…

He turned sharply away from the smooth glass on the wall and went to go get dressed.

'What happened last night?' he asked himself. 'Why did Rei act like that?'

'It doesn't matter!' His mind answered him. 'You shouldn't care! You don't need to care!'

'You're wrong…' Kai bit back at it, pulling on a shirt. 'You're wrong…'

'You don't know that,' the voice hissed 'If you knew you would've gone…'

Kai paused, a strange mix of emotion creeping into him. Why hadn't he gone?

He pulled on the rest of his clothes and left the room swiftly, making his way down the stairs and through the downstairs corridor with ease. As he passed the room where he had talked with Rei the previous night, he stopped and saw the cracked crystal ball on the floor. It hadn't been touched, but Kai knew it would fall apart at the slightest touch.

~*~*~

**Me: *falls over* I am amazed yet again at the sheer crappiness of my endings…**

**Tala: Hey, at least you finished it…**

**Me: Yeah, it was only sitting around like 80% finished for half a month!!**

**Brigs: Quit bickering you two!! *glances around* Hey, why aren't any of the others in the author notes?**

**Me: I have decided that I like Tala the best out of the bunch as far as muses go, so he stays.**

**Tala: -__- This means I get to be in _all_ the author notes for your Beyblade stories?******

**Me: ^^ Yup!**

**Tala: -__- …yippee.******

**Me: Once again, to my semi-loyal reviewers, I will require at least five more reviews for this chapter if you want me to continue, bringing the total up to 18, and next chapter is when Ka- MPFH!!**

**Brigs: *muffling Angie* And you say I'm the one who reveals the plot too much!!**

**Me: *glares at Brigs* Mphf, mm hhrrg mpfhr nggg!!!**

**Brigs: *glances at Tala* Any idea what she said?**

**Tala: I think she wants us to bribe the reviewers.**

**Me: *rolls eyes and forcefully removes Brigs' hand* It's not bribing!!**

**Brigs: Whatever you say Barbie…******

**Me: *serious anime vein* WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!?!?! *begins chasing Brigs with coffee pot of doom* I TOLD YOU NOT TO EVER CALL ME THAT!!!**

**Brigs: *running for his life***

**Tala: *munching popcorn watching Angie chase Brigs* Review, those who help meet the quota will receive… *checks list* one very hunky Sesshoumaru poster… or if they prefer, a plushie of their fave beyblade character, or both… *tosses list away* Whatever, just review! *goes back to watching Angie and Brigs***

**Brigs: *dodges coffee pot* Watch where you're swinging that thing Barbie!!**

**Me: DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!!**


	4. Chapter Four

**Me: First and foremost... I'd like to apologize to every single person who's read or been reading this sorry excuse for a fan fiction...**

**CP::reads off list:: Scheree, Kiina, LuxLucisAnima, SilveryKitsune, Rumi-Chan, russel, Arashi Doragon, Hades of Hades, Whitedog (now Whitedog2), Hioki, Ms Hobgoblin and Wildfox to name to those that left reviews at any point.**

**Me: Thank you CP... as I said, I'd like to apologize... FOR TAKING SO BLOODY LONG. ::breaks down and cries:: I'm sorry, I was supposed to have finished this thing over the summer, and here it's almost the end of the first quarter and I finally finish. I've dragged this god forsaken piece on for seven months! counting since my beginning of Ch. 1 in March and I finally have to finish it. ::sniffles:: I did a pretty crappy job of ending it too, so sorry.**

**Brigs::uneasy:: Umm... warnings and disclaimers same as all previous chapters.**

**Tala: Song is 'My December' un-mixed version and is copyright to Linkin Park.**

**Me::still very emotional:: Okay, for anyone who might possibly still be holding hope that this story will be completed, here ya go ::hands final chapter::**

- 0 -

My December, Chapter Four

By Angevar

(Sunday, September 05, 2004)

Snow fell gently to the ground, tiny crystalline flakes clustering on fence rails and tree branches, dazzling and sparkly white, tinted slightly indigo in the pale, pre-dawn light.

_-This is my december_

_This is my time of the year_

_This is my december_

_This all so clear-_

Takao Kinomiya crept silently down the stairs from his room, it wasn't something he had to think about (having been raised in a dojo and all) but he didn't want to wake anyone. If they woke up, they'd try and get him to eat, or rest, or have fun... he'd much rather they just stayed asleep for now.

He got to the front door, slipped into his shoes and jacket and exited the dojo, coming out into the strange, anti-twilight of the early morning; when the sky is a shade of washed out indigo just starting to turn pinkish yellow towards the east.

It was 5:42 am, Dec 21st, three days till Christmas.

Takao sighed and gazed up at the softly clouded sky, it wasn't snowing right now, but the clouds had that odd, heavy look that signifies them to be heavy with frozen ice crystals. It would probably start snowing lightly again sometime later today.

Takao stuck his hands in his jacket pockets, more out of habit than any discomfort brought on by the cold, and started walking.

He didn't really know what he was doing, walking around Bakuten at quarter to six in the morning, he had woken up a while earlier and had jus felt that he should go outside. So he had put on a pair of long pants, a warm shirt and a pair of socks before going downstairs. It was like this a lot more often recently, some part of him just felt like going outside, and so he went, not bothering to question himself and knowing that he couldn't find an answer.

It was very early for anyone to even be awake this time of year, maybe that had something to do with wanting to go outside. Takao knew that he used to love being around people, but now... now they were just... people; nothing special. And they always tried to make him feel better... sometimes they did, but most times they didn't. These days Takao preferred to avoid people, the only thing he really enjoyed to any extent at all was going out, just wandering around, letting his mind drift in a kind of limbo, similar to how he was when he lay awake at night, only different.

Alone, strange to think that one of the most sociable of people could prefer the peaceful solitude offered by a blank emptiness than be in the company of those he had once considered friends.

Takao's deep, mesmerizing blue eyes closed sadly as he started down the sidewalk. Of course, they hadn't done anything at all to make them any less friends than they had been, it was just that he treated almost everyone like strangers now...

As Takao walked aimlessly, his thoughts wandered; his brain trusting his feet not to trip up. He thought about a lot of things, how pretty the snow from last night was before being broken. How it was like a giant, never ending silk carpet, draped elegantly over anything and everything, but still showing what was beneath.

'I wish we could be like that...' he thought absent-mindedly, 'Just throw something over us to hide the ragged edges... but you still know what's beneath if you know where to look...'

'But people are not as simple as snow' his reason replied.

"No..." a soft cloud formed as he breathed the word out "We're not..."

A single, tiny snowflake fell, floating slowly down from the clouds above to land on Takao's gloved hand. He brought his hand up and casually observed the small white speck. People said that each and every individual snowflake was different from every other one ever formed in all of history. Each had its own unique shape of hexagonal spikes that grew to form a miniscule crystalline network.

But that something so small and delicate could be crushed and melted by even a breath of slightly warmer air...

_-This is my december_

_This is my snow covered hole_

_This is my december_

_This is me alone-_

When you were alone, you couldn't hurt anyone...

And... no-one could hurt you...

Takao continued walking, feet slow and almost dragging in the packed snow of the sidewalk, untouched, uncaring any more of what the world around him even was...

- 0 -

Kai stepped out the door of his mansion and looked up at the sky. It was covered in heavy, dark grey clouds, like thunderheads, only less menacing. An occasional snowflake fell here and there, adding to the expanse left the night before, but not visibly. Kai walked towards and out of the gate and kept going on the sidewalk.

At the end of the street was an old sakura tree, wind bent and gnarled looking, with tiny drifts of snow on top of each winter-barren branch. Kai paused and looked at it for a moment, wondering why he'd never noticed it before. The branches seemed to reach up towards the sky, like long, delicate fingers reaching towards something far too long denied.

He shook his head, clearing it of thoughts. He wasn't out here to think about snow, he was out here for another reason.

'But...' he thought to himself, 'What if... I can't help?'

'Then so be it,' a part of him replied coldly. 'It is not your concern anyways, why do you bother with it?'

'Because...' Kai walked on, passing beneath the old sakura tree, feet leaving sharp indentations in the snow on the sidewalk.

'Because what?'

'Because... it's my fault.'

_-And I..._

_Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed._

_And I..._

_Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that-_

"It's my fault... and I'm the one who needs to fix it." he spoke the last sentence out loud, as if to reassure himself of its validity. His breath misted before him, becoming a tiny cloud of crystallized water, twisting around itself in the light breeze caused by his movement. He kept going forward, still trying to convince himself of his reasons.

'If it is your fault... why didn't you fix it sooner?'

Kai didn't have an answer for that... he hadn't cared about it.

He thought about why he hadn't cared, and began to feel a strange constriction around his chest, a mixture of anger, disgust worry and ...fear.

The former two were both almost certainly directed at himself. Anger for what he'd put others and himself through; disgust for his stubbornness in not seeing it; worry that he might not be able to mend the damage done and... fear... of what might be if he couldn't.

God how he wished he could be sure that he could fix things!

_-And I..._

_Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed._

_And I..._

_Take back all the things I said to you-_

- 0 -

It took Kai Hiwatari ten minutes to reach the Kinomiya dojo, it took him less than ten seconds to ring the doorbell and it took about forty-five seconds for Max Mizuhara to answer.

"Is he here?" Kai asked quietly. Max's eyes opened in surprise at seeing the Hiwatari heir in the doorway, but he was even more surprised at the soft, almost apologetic tone of voice he used in that question.

"No..." Kai looked past Max to see Rei walk up behind the younger blonde.

"Rei...?"

"He's not here Hiwatari," Rei stated coldly, still feeling an intense antipathy for his former team captain. The only reason he was keeping himself civil was the small, broken shard of hope that the crimson eyed Russian held for his friend. "He's not in his room, I haven't seen him since last night when I came back."

Kai felt the sharp antipathy in Rei's voice and lowered his head towards the Chinese man as a kind of unconscious apology. "Do you know where he might be?"

"No," Rei responded. "But he won't be around people..."

Kai closed his eyes softly and turned to leave. He got almost to the sidewalk before Rei called after him.

"He saw you last night... at the park." Kai turned around to stare at the raven haired Chinese man.

Rei stepped towards him, leaving Max standing in the doorway. "He saw you... he said you looked different..." Kai continued staring at him. "It was the most he's said in two weeks, Kai. Maybe you should look for him there."

Kai nodded slightly and exited the grounds, leaving Rei standing halfway between the door and the gate, as lonely snowflakes fell to the ground.

"I think he'll be there," Max said, causing Rei to turn and look at him. "If he's to be found anywhere right now, he'll be there." He walked up and hugged Rei, inclining his head to look at the older former member of the BladeBreakers team.

"I think so too Maxie, but... I just don't know if Kai will really help, even if he wants to."

Max smiled up at Rei, "He will... I know it."

Rei smiled down at his boyfriend and they walked back into the dojo.

- 0 -

_-And I'd..._

_Give it all away_

_Just to have somewhere to go to_

_Give it all away_

_To have someone to come home to-_

- 0 -

Takao looked down at the surface of the water, melancholy sapphire eyes reflecting the cold, evenly black water. It was snowing more now, and as each snowflake landed o the surface, it lasted a few seconds before melting into the icy water.

Takao wondered how cold the water would have to be for the snowflakes not to melt. It would have to be as cold or colder.

...but then it would be frozen solid, and the snowflakes would just pile up on top.

A slight breeze passed, making the snow dance in small flurries, twirling around in circles and spirals like miniature tornadoes.

He smiled softly, no matter what, he still loved coming outside, being away from people.

Being around people just hurt too much now.

_-This is my december_

_These are my snow-covered trees_

_This is me pretending_

_This is all I need-_

He sat there, on the railing of the bridge, lightly clad legs hanging over the cold, black surface of the fish pond. His eyes stared vacantly off into space, snowflakes landing lightly on unmoving eyelashes.

How simple life would be if people could just stop being people.

He sighed, people were always people. No matter how much they tried to change, they'd always be people. And people had a strange quality of destroying themselves and those around them. That's what Takao didn't like about them, they made their own worlds fall apart, and then blamed it on other things. They tried to fix things when they were the ones who broke them.

He closed his eyes softly, dark lashes intermeshing over sapphire eyes, and stood up on the narrow surface atop the railing.

'How simple it could be...' he thought to himself.

He dropped down onto the bridge again, but found he didn't want to leave. And so, he sat down, back resting against one of the railing supports, eyes closed, allowing the growing downfall of snow drift over him in the early morning light.

- 0 -

Kai wanted to hurry, but was afraid of what he'd find if he did. He didn't want to not be able to do anything, didn't want to be wrong about something...

_-And I..._

_Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed-_

He wanted desperately to know he wasn't too late to fix things, but he kept on feeling like he already was...

_-And I..._

_Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that -_

He wanted to know he was capable of bringing things back to something resembling the way they had been before he had lashed out the way he had...

_-And I..._

_Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed -_

But he could not shake the feeling that things were long since past fixing. He could not help but fear he had broken Takao beyond repair...

_-And I..._

_Take back all the things I said to you-_

- 0 -

_-And I'd...-_

Takao sat silently on the bridge, in almost exactly the same spot as when he had last spoken a single word to Kai Hiwatari. The snow was now almost piled an even two inches over him, except his face as it was tilted forwards slightly.

The snow had been falling thicker for some time. He opened his eyes the barest slit and guessed that the roads would be covered by noon if it kept up. Mid afternoon and it would be difficult to drive, evening and the town would be snowed in.

He blinked once, shedding a few stray crystals from his eyelashes.

It was so cold out... he wanted to feel warm again.

He closed his eyes tightly as a brief trickle of hot moisture escaped his eyes.

_-Give it all away_

_Just to have somewhere to go to-_

God, how he wished he felt like he belonged somewhere! For a long time now, Takao had felt a sense of disconnectedness towards other people, as if they were all part of their own, special world and he was the stranger in the cold, looking in.

They welcomed him in, but he could not join them. There was just something that kept him out in the cold.

But god how he wanted to be on the inside again. He had been once, before Kai had dragged him away...

And now... he had been dragged outside, and could not find the door back in.

_-Give it all away-_

Takao curled up tighter, bringing his body into a cold, shivering ball, just wishing that things could be different, but not knowing how.

_-To have someone to come home to-_

- 0 -

Kai passed under a tree in the park near Takao's house. It had taken him a while to get here, but neither he nor his feet had felt any want to hurry. And even now, when he knew himself to be so close to the spot where he knew he would find Takao if he was anywhere in this universe to be found... he stopped.

He was afraid... of what he might find if he allowed his feet to continue walking.

It had been such a long time since he had really allowed himself to feel, allowed himself to live... he simply did not know what to do anymore, if he ever had.

'Just what am I doing?' he asked himself. 'Just why am I feeling so helpless right now?'

He did not find an answer for himself, but his feet moved of their own accord.

_This is my december_

_This is my time of the year-_

Kai paused, and stared ahead of him. On the bridge, leaning against one of the railing posts, was a figure, seated on the ground, almost completely covered by snow...

He had never seen a single sight in his entire life that struck him the way that did. Maybe it was that he knew on some basic level that it was or had to be Takao, maybe it was something else. In any case, any and all uncertainties he had had... were somehow no longer there.

He walked along the snow covered path, allowing his feet to guide themselves. He stepped lightly onto the bridge and approached the hunched figure that he knew to be Takao. Slowly, without any sounds or unnecessary noises, he removed his own jacket and, brushing excess snow from Takao's shoulders, placed it over and around the younger man.

And Takao opened his eyes and looked at him.

_-This is my december-_

Takao blinked large, perfectly stormy blue eyes in wonder as Kai settled himself next to him, leaning back against the cold, snow covered railings of the bridge, eyes closed. Takao noticed that he was only wearing a grey, long sleeved t-shirt that looked far too thin for the weather and then noticed something else...

Kai had placed his own jacket around Takao's shoulders.

And Kai was shivering.

And then... something in Takao that had been out of place for a long time was suddenly snapped back into place. It's hard to explain, or even to know just why that small realization had the effect that thousands and thousands of words of comfort and encouragement had failed to achieve, but Takao forgot even how he had felt before that moment.

He had been a stranger looking in, but now there was company out in the cold.

And he didn't feel so alone now.

_-This all so clear-_

Takao, without even thinking about it, pulled the jacket off his shoulders and reached over, settling it again around Kai. His former team captain glanced up at him...

And their eyes met.

Not for very long, maybe a second, maybe less. But in whatever amount of time passed when they looked at each other, an eon of understanding was passed between them. Takao got up, rising stiffly to his feet and tucking one arm in whilst offering the other to assist Kai. The Hiwatari heir rose, resettling the jacket round his shoulders and cast his eyes downward slightly.

"I'm sorry... Takao."

A soft smile, the first in a long time on a face that had grown unused to smiling..

"Don't be."

Mutual nods of understanding, and Kai wrapped his arms around Takao as he noticed the cold was getting to the younger man, being dressed much more lightly than Kai himself.

"I think Rei was worried about you..." Kai said as they started walking back towards the Kinomiya dojo.

"He was..." Takao replied, enjoying the feeling of closeness with Kai. "He was the one who made you come find me right?"

Kai nodded.

Takao didn't say anything more, he didn't feel like he needed to, and Kai didn't either. So they walked, in a comfortable silence, letting their feet take them home.

- 0 -

**Me: Yup, that's all folks.**

**Brigs: You were right, lame ending.**

**Me::bops him with coffee pot of doom:: I'd like to see you do any better.**

**Brigs: I'm sorry, it just doesn't feel very... tyka-ending-ish...**

**Me: --; I finally finish it and you complain?**

**Tala: Well... it was kinda...**

**Me::glares at him:: Not you too! CP! Back me up here!**

**CP: It sucked!**

**Me::growls:: Okay, fine then!! ::starts typing again::**

**All: ...she's pissed now.**

- 0 -

Epilogue

(Sorta... ;)

Takao sighed contentedly as he leaned back against Kai as they all sat around the living room, four days after he and Kai had arrived back at the dojo. It somehow felt like much less than four days, just as all the time before then had left like so much longer.

"You okay, Ta-kun?" Kai tilted his head around from talking with Max as the blonde began the serious task of deciding which of the multitude of paper-wrapped boxes under the ornamental pine tree to distribute first.

"Yeah, I'm fine Kai," Takao replied, smiling up at the ruby eyed man. "You don't have to worry so much anymore."

Kai smiled down at him and hugged him briefly.

Rei, sitting on the other side of the room, was privately amazed at the changes that had overcome both of them since they had come back to the dojo that morning less than a week ago. True, he didn't think Takao would ever be quite as open as he had been before, but he was almost back to normal, albeit, a good deal quieter, and his smiles seemed much softer than before. And Kai...

Kai was hardly even the person he had been before. He wasn't exactly sociable, but if anything, he was open, and softer with other than he had been before, especially Takao. Come to think of it, Rei thought, he barely ever even lets Takao out of his sight, and Takao seems under no inclination to wander away.

Rei smiled to himself and watched as Max picked a box from the fair sized pile and presented it with much ado to Kenny, who was sitting in an armchair with Dizzi open in his lap. To see Takao smile so freely at something so simple...

Kai glanced across to Rei, and noted the raven-haired Chinese teen's look of contentment. He smiled to himself and hugged Takao closer again as said teen laughed at the fuss Max was making in presenting Kenny with the gift-wrapped parcel.

Kenny finally threw up his hands and snatched the decorated box, yanking the wrapping paper off and promptly whopping with delight at the packet of new software he'd received. Max grinned cheekily before selecting another box from the pile and shoving it into Takao's hands.

"Open it!" Max urged, cerulean eyes dancing. "I know you'll like it. Trust me."

Takao grinned at his friend and made a great show of pulling off the wrapping paper to reveal a fairly plain looking white box, about six inches long or so.

"Open the box," Max prompted, fidgeting and obviously waiting to see Takao's reaction.

Takao did so, and smiled brightly at Max. "Man, you knew I liked it, but you didn't have to buy it for me!"

Max shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"You liked what?" Kai craned his neck to see what Takao was holding... and a pair of tiny, garnet eyes glared back up at him. He had to laugh lightly as Takao passed the figurine over to him.

"Max and I saw it in a shop a while ago..." Takao said, grinning as Kai looked it over. "I shoulda known he bought it."

Kai held the pewter figure at arms length and smirked. "Not bad," he appraised, looking down at Takao "Pretty decent knock off of the real thing."

Takao grinned back and snatched the statue away. "Yeah, I think I wanna get a little scarf for it."

"What?"

"You know... a scarf. Like that one you're always wearing."

"Why you..."

Max, Rei and Kenny laughed as Kai and Takao argued amiably about the statue's resemblance to Kai.

Takao turned to mock-glare at them, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Kenny replied truthfully. "It's just good to see you acting like yourself again."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Takao asked.

"Ignore him, Taka-kun," Kai said, Takao pouted.

"But that's no fun!"

"How 'bout stealing their presents?"

"That, on the other hand is fun."

"Kai!"

Kai smirked, and watched as Takao grabbed three or four of the various presents and led Max, Rei and Kenny on a chase around and under the various pieces of furniture. Sometimes, he reflected, life does let you have happy endings.

- 0 -

**Me::victory smirk:: Happy now?**

**Brigs: - I likes!**

**Tala: ¬¬ You're a sucker for fluff aren't you?**

**Brigs: ; Guilty.**

**CP::to readers:: Review, and please be gentle...**

**Me::huggles pillow:: Reviewers will receive... huggling pillows. :huggles pillow again:**

**Brigs: Until next update of any sort (which may not be for a ridiculously long while), Ja minna!**

**Me::waves::**


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